Elul day 4--Can I be joyful today?

Today is the 4th day of Elul.  In less than a month it will be Rosh Hashnah.  We blow shofar now to wake us up and remind us of the imminence of the Holy Day, but what about the most holy of days--the one that is NOW?

What if we recognized the holiness of TODAY?

 

What is special about today in your life?  

What are you thankful for?  

Who have you helped today?  

Who have you asked forgiveness from today?  

For whom have you prayed for healing today?  

With whom have you given or received a hug?

THIS is the day that God has made, let us celebrate and rejoice in it - “Zeh hayom asah Adonai, nagilah v'nismecha vo”

Right now I stand on the precipice with a loved one in surgery.  As I pray for healing, I look forward to hearing good news this evening, but where can I find joy RIGHT NOW?  

It’s time to relieve the babysitter and spend the afternoon with my almost four year old daughter after her first day back at school.  Today and everyday, I hope I am as grateful for the time to share with her!  Love to all.

June article-having children isn't as easy as the birds and the bees

For the last year, I have thought about whether or not I wanted to write this letter.  Last summer we celebrated a beautiful membership BBQ.  For our family, that BBQ was very bittersweet.  That day would have been just after Rebecca finished her first trimester.  We would have shared with all of you the news of our second pregnancy and hopefully expected our second child this past February.  Yet, a few weeks before that BBQ, our plans changed, we had a miscarriage. Honestly, when Rebecca said we needed to go to the doctor, I was in denial.  Even after the doctor said that there was no heartbeat and either we were off in our calculations, or this pregnancy was unlikely to go to term, I still hoped that we just counted wrong.  Yet that night, when she was in so much pain that we visited the ER of St. Luke’s Hospital, I could no longer deny reality.  Our hope for that pregnancy to lead to a second child was over.

The next months were filled with repeated cycles of hope, disappointment and mourning.  Even as I write this, I still have no happy announcement.  Yet, we are hopeful.  After realizing that we have been hoping for another child this long and not yet been blessed, we made the decision to go through a complete fertility checkup.  Amidst a slew of invasive tests, (much more invasive for my wife than for me), we now have more hope.  We are DOING something.

I share this, even as we have not been silent about our challenges, but because in order for me to serve this congregation, I have to be authentically me.  I cannot be a good rabbi, unless I am a good Jew, a good man, a good Philip.  Each day I strive to serve the Holy One, to serve Gd, to teach Torah, and to work with Israel.  Each day, I bless Gd, even on days when I am angry or frustrated.  I also share this because of the conversations it sparks.  Mentioning the miscarriage at a service last year, a half dozen people immediately mentioned their personal or familial experiences.  Speaking of a procedure my wife endured after Shavuot, others shared their journeys of infertility, some mentioning the challenges of our holy matriarchs--of Sarah, Rebecca and Rachel.  Knowing that we are not alone, that we stand with a community, who know where we have been and know that hope is possible, is incredibly powerful.  For that, I thank you.

I regularly argue that Judaism does mourning better than any other faith tradition (or lack there of).  Through the routines of shiva, shloshim, yahrzeit, we use the support of our community and our rituals to find a sense of wholeness, even among the brokenhearted.  As I have written previously, some of our greatest rabbis have recognized that there is nothing so whole as a broken heart, that through loss and pain, we can find reserves of strength AND empathy.

While these rituals do not exist traditionally for miscarriage, I have found solace online (in Jewish blogs and articles on the subject), in my rabbi’s manual, in prayer and writing, in therapy, in the words of all of you, and in conversations with Rebecca.  At the end of this month, I will perform the wedding of a close friend, participating in that life cycle event reminds me of the joy of what I do!

Tsurris and joy

Looking at the world today can give you a heart attack.  A close friend is in Paris, where Muslim terrorists massacred a dozen reporters and writers for a satirical newspaper.  Here in Newburgh, we celebrate a year with only one murder--but almost 50 people shot. In west Africa, Ebola still rages, yet it is no longer daily news.  In the Middle East, Palestinian leader Abbas seems to be joining the ICC, in hopes of causing turmoil within Israeli leadership, but not sure how that will lead to any semblance of peace.  Saudi Arabian airlines announces gender separation options, to ensure that no man has to sit next to another man’s wife.  A transgender teen committed suicide when her family did not accept her.

On a lighter note, also in the Middle East, snow paralyzes parts of Israel. Weather that in the Hudson Valley would keep a few people home, keeps many more home. Stores ran out of produce, milk and bread in Jerusalem!  In Las Vegas, the International Consumer Electronics Show demonstrates thousands of products to connect us in more ways to the internet.  Not sure if that is good or bad, but we saw in the last few weeks that anything with an internet connection can be hacked--so hopefully they add some security to these products.

Here at home, we had dinner last night with lovely congregants.  Showing that kosher means delicious, we had an amazing meal and “a show” led by my daughter.  Sitting with them was a joy and a reminder of the holy work that we do together.  Tonight we will meet again to discuss membership in our community.

That last topic is a sensitive one for rabbis.  For many years, the measure of a rabbi, was the size of his congregation.  Success or failure was entirely dependent on the numbers.  While numbers are important--as anyone balancing a budget knows, numbers do not tell the whole picture.  Synagogues are about community.  They are about love.  They are about sanctity.  We can reach people’s souls even when we do not reach their wallets!

We live in a time of declining affiliation everywhere.  As one of my businessman/teacher/member reminded me, the only business that you have responsibility for is your own!  The future of our community is dependent on its members valuing it and supporting it.  Like every organization, we must continue to fund-raise--but also work to soul-raise.  We must continue to offer services and programs and opportunities that fulfill our mission of being a caring, sacred community. We must continue to work on emphasizing why what we do is important--the what will follow.

I am a member of CAI because of the personal connections, the sacred connections and the joy I have found here. What would bring you here?

With the internet, rabbis reach people and connect them to communities regardless of location.  Yet, the majority of work is local and organic.  Helping one family discover the blessings of kashrut.  Showing two members their commonality.  Energizing people in their observance of mitzvot and most powerfully living prayer--showing that we can change our hearts and our souls when we work together and reach out to the Divine.

For the first time that I can remember, we did not have a minyan last Shabbat--yet we still had a joyful experience.  Together we spoke of topics sacred and more ordinary, offered the words of our heart to the Holy One and found the blessings in our daily lives.  This week we have a minyan in the evening and the morning.  We will sing, we will celebrate.  The warmth of our hearts and souls will counter the frigid air outside.

Lo alecha hamlacha ligmor...we are not obligated to finish the task, but we MUST work on it nonetheless.  We must remind people that without a spiritual home, there is a hole in their hearts and souls.  We must remind people that without a community, they are missing the holy task of connection.  Our very relationships and family structures depend on it.  Our partners may complete us, but they cannot fulfill our every need, for that, we need a community!

Tsurris (problems) and joy are not independent but interdependent. We cannot fully celebrate without having overcome tragedy. We cannot fully mourn without knowing, as the psalmist says that "Joy comes in the morning", that another day can bring blessing.

We cannot solve every problem in the world, but when we see the joy a small child can bring, we recognize that we must try.  If we want our children to live in a better, more peaceful world, we have a lot of work to do--at home, in our communities and around the world.  What will you do?

The Talmud teaches that to save one life is to save an entire world!  Let’s get started.