Mother's Day Parshat Emor

Rabbi Philip Weintraub

Congregation Agudas Israel

Parshat Emor May 9, 2015

Our Torah reading this morning opens chapter 21 of the book of Leviticus, Vayikra, and is right in the middle of the Holiness Code.  While much of the parsha deals with the festive calendar or sacrifices, the opening deals with priests and death.  From some of your previous clergy, you might remember that some kohanim do not enter cemeteries except in very specific circumstances.  Parshat Emor opens with those circumstances.

The parsha opens:

וַיֹּאמֶר ה’’ אֶל-מֹשֶׁה, אֱמֹר אֶל-הַכֹּהֲנִים בְּנֵי אַהֲרֹן; וְאָמַרְתָּ אֲלֵהֶם, לְנֶפֶשׁ לֹא-יִטַּמָּא בְּעַמָּיו.	1 The Lord said to Moses: Speak to the priests, the sons of Aaron, and say to them: None shall defile himself for any [dead] person among his kin,
ב  כִּי, אִם-לִשְׁאֵרוֹ, הַקָּרֹב, אֵלָיו:  לְאִמּוֹ וּלְאָבִיו, וְלִבְנוֹ וּלְבִתּוֹ וּלְאָחִיו.	2 except for the relatives that are closest to him: his mother, his father, his son, his daughter, and his brother
ג  וְלַאֲחֹתוֹ הַבְּתוּלָה הַקְּרוֹבָה אֵלָיו, אֲשֶׁר לֹא-הָיְתָה לְאִישׁ--לָהּ, יִטַּמָּא.	also for an unmarried sister, close to him because she has not married, for her he may defile himself

Looking at most biblical texts, women are not the first mentioned.  In the Aseret Ha-dibrot, the Ten Commandments, the order is reversed:

יא  כַּבֵּד אֶת-אָבִיךָ, וְאֶת-אִמֶּךָ --לְמַעַן, יַאֲרִכוּן יָמֶיךָ, עַל הָאֲדָמָה, אֲשֶׁר-ה’’ אֱלהֶיךָ נתֵן לָךְ.

11 Honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. {S}

So why is a priest’s mother mentioned first? Looking at various commentaries, I did not find many comments on the order. In The Torah: A Women’s Commentary, they saw it as a literary device, noting that in verse eleven, the order is reversed to have the father first.  Elsewhere in The JPS Torah Commentary (Leviticus), they noted it as an exception to the rule saying “that in familial contexts, deference is shown to the mother.” (Levine, p. 125)  Levine continues that in comparison to the Ten Commandments when the father comes first “amount to an equitable estimation of both parents” (Ibid).  Personally, I think this is a reference to the primary importance of mothers.  Without a mother, there is no child!  In our tradition the respect and honor of our parents is not just appropriate, but a commandment!

Looking in the Talmud, Kiddushin 31b has several conversations about respecting parents.  We are commanded to respect our parents, to provided them with food and drink, clothe them, house them and transport them.  We are not to embarrass our parents--neither in public nor in private.  Even if our parents insult us, we are not to respond inappropriately.

In this country, Anna Jarvis, fought for the creation of Mother’s Day, and then fought against its commercialization.  She tried to start a boycott of florists for their price gouging and railed against the card manufacturers.  For her, the holiday was not about gifts or tokens of appreciation, but about actual recognition of those who created and sustained life.  Hearing that the average Mother’s Day gift is $170, I wondered what would really show appreciation. http://time.com/money/3838824/mothers-day-gift/ It seems that the challenge with Mother’s Day is that it is a single day.  To really show our appreciation, we must show this honor and respect throughout the year.  If we limit it to a single day, we are taking honor away from our mothers instead of adding to it!

Thinking about tomorrow, a day that celebrates mothers, I am grateful for all the mothers in my life.  I think of my wife, who spends virtually every waking hour with our daughter.  I think of my mother-in-law who blessed me with the gift of my wife.  I think of my own mom, who supported me in more ways than I can begin to imagine.  I think of her mom, whose ninetieth birthday I will celebrate tomorrow.  Then I think of the mothers no longer with us, my Dad’s mom, great-grandmothers who I just barely remember.  I look around the room and celebrate with all of you, yet mourn those no longer with us.  As we celebrate those mothers that are with us, we are called to remember those who are not here today.  

Mothers are important.  They care, nurture, provide for.  They love, protect, defend.  They come in all shapes and sizes, varieties.  Whether biological, adopted, foster, honorary, mothers are the source of their children’s lives.  Yes, fathers play important roles, but we’ll talk about them another day.  Come back in June, Dads!

I do not want to belabor my point, which is thanks and respect.  Children are grateful in moments.  They do not show respect all the time.  They do not say thanks often enough.  So to all the mothers out there, I offer my gratitude.  You helped shape your children into the people they are.  You had and have an influence.  You are appreciated, even if not frequently enough acknowledged.  Hopefully this year we will all learn the real lesson of Mother’s Day--that it is not just one day, but every day!  Shabbat Shalom.

Stand up and be counted

Rabbi Philip Weintraub

Parshat Mishpatim/Shabbat Shekalim 2015

February 14, 2015

Congregation Agudas Israel

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when I ask you what today is?

Shabbat?

Valentine’s Day?

Simchat Shabbat?

Day of Rest?

I think this week’s parsha and haftorah may actually connect all of those days.  I think it integrates the ideas of law, love, accountability and asks us all to stand up and be counted.  If you were following along as I read the Torah, you may be wondering exactly how these disparate ideas come together?

When we celebrated Shabbat dinner last week, I mentioned the Midrash from Genesis Rabbah.  Rabbi Noam Zion from the Hartman Institute helped me find the specific citation!

The Midrash Genesis Rabbah 11:8 attests to the love affair between Israel and the Sabbath by likening them to husband and wife. According to this Midrash, God paired all the days of the week: Sunday had Monday, Tuesday had Wednesday, Thursday had Friday. Only Shabbat was left alone. (p.102)

The Sabbath came before the Holy One and said: “Sovereign of the Universe. All the other days have a mate; am I to be without one?”

The Holy One said to it: “The Community of Israel shall be your mate.” As it is said, “Remember the Sabbath day to sanctify it le-qaddesho [here read]: to betroth it [as in kiddushin].” (Ex. 20:8)

What a beautiful image of Shabbat marrying the people Israel. The metaphor is expanded by a medieval Kabbalistic rabbi:

Rabbi Yisrael Elnekaveh quotes a Midrash that develops an extended marital analogy:

Just as the Kallah arrives before the Hatan, dressed beautifully, with jewelry and perfume,

So Shabbat arrives before Israel dressed beautifully with jewelry….

Just as the Hatan is dressed in magnificent attire, so a person should dress magnificently for Shabbat.

Just as the Hatan enjoys pleasures all seven days of the wedding,  so a person should indulge in pleasures on Shabbat.

Just as the Hatan takes off from work, so does person refrain for work for Shabbat….

One should not eat on Shabbat afternoon so as to enter Shabbat with an appetite,

just as the Hatan fasts from food and drink on the day of the wedding.

So a person should be very careful to sanctify Shabbat with wine,

Just as Hatan is careful to sanctify (kiddushin) his bride [with wine].

(Sefer HaPeliah I 36b)

http://hartman.org.il/Blogs_View.asp?Article_Id=1431&Cat_Id=275&Cat_Type=Blogs

In other texts, the image is expanded to say that it is not just Shabbat that the people Israel marry, but rather GD!  Innumerable texts compare the Torah to the ketubah and in many Sephardic communities, on the holiday of Shavuot, there is a special ketubah read celebrating the marriage of Israel to Gd.  This concept is reinforced on a daily basis through recitation of verses from Hosea 2:21-22 when we put on Tefillin.  The entire book of Hosea emphasizes this relationship, reminding the people Israel that there was no Get, that Gd did not divorce or abandon Israel, even as our ancestors strayed and worshiped idols.

(Photo from http://www.myjewishlearning.com/holidays/Jewish_Holidays/Shavuot/In_the_Community/Shavuot_Hymns/Sephardic_Ketubah.shtml)

In an image I have mentioned before, marriage is a contract between two people and the Holy One.  We promise to provide for the needs of one another, to treat each other with a certain level of care, and in a Jewish marriage, to acknowledge that these commitments are spoken before GD.  Strangely, in secular culture, these obligations are not always the priority.  Many in this country think that defending marriage is about preventing some loving couples from being married, rather than in recognizing the sacredness of their own relationships!  Some even neglect their own spouses while denying the marriages of others?  

Marriage is a covenant, with laws and obligations.  Whether those are around food, clothing, intimacy or putting the dishes away, the rules of marriage are many.  Yet these rules are an expression of love.  In the same way, the Torah is a gift BECAUSE of the laws, NOT DESPITE THEM!

Some Shabbat mornings we sing from Psalm 19:

תּוֹרַת יְהוָה תְּמִימָה, מְשִׁיבַת נָפֶשׁ;    עֵדוּת יְהוָה נֶאֱמָנָה, מַחְכִּימַת פֶּתִי.	8 The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
ט  פִּקּוּדֵי יְהוָה יְשָׁרִים, מְשַׂמְּחֵי-לֵב;    מִצְוַת יְהוָה בָּרָה, מְאִירַת עֵינָיִם.	9 The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.

http://www.mechon-mamre.org/p/pt/pt2619.htm

These laws keep us accountable.  In our parsha this week, we follow the sacred moment of the Giving of the Torah, the Revelation, with all sorts of little details.  Yet it is in these details, that the most holy moments are found.  We are commanded to help the animals of our enemy.  If we live in a time when slavery is allowed, slaves must be treated with respect and not overburdened--they must even be paid.  Lex talionis--an eye for an eye is mentioned, yet the rabbis teach us that it was NEVER taken literally.  Instead financial compensation for compensatory AND punitive damages were required.  The laws teach us how to be holy people.  It is not just the words here, but how they have been applied from generation to generation.  The Torah is the start, but it is not the end.

The Torah is renewed in every generation.  We all stood at Sinai and we remain there today.  Just as we recently read about Gd freeing us from Egypt, on Pesach we will re enact it.  We must act as if we were there ourselves--because we were.  As such, this Shabbat is a special one.  Shabbat Shekalim tells us that Adar is soon, that it is almost time to rejoice with Purim, but it also tells us to stand up and be counted.  The special Maftir and the Haftorah tell of the half-shekel that served as the census of the Jewish people.  Counting Jews was not something Gd approved of directly.  Instead, we count through donations and math.  In this census, each individual (male Jew of military age) donated an equal amount.  Whether rich or poor, everyone contributed equally.  Elsewhere free will donations were accepted to the best of one’s ability, but for this, every single person gave the same.  Every single person’s contribution was as important as anyone else’s.

Today, as we stand on the threshold of our new addition, every person’s contributions are valued.  We have not asked for a standard contribution, but we have asked everyone to contribute something.  I would like to see a second thermometer outside, not with money, but with participation.  When every single person has given something, then this community will be a successful one. This is a twofold statement.  To support our community now means to support Kol Yisrael, to ensure this home is outfitted to our needs.  Yet it also means to support CAI, to ensure that we have the programs and the religious leaders that we want.  That is my soft sell campaign.  Traditionally, Shabbat Shekalim was a time when Jewish communities asked their members for support.  Last week I reminded you to stand up and participate, this week I ask you to stand up and contribute.

Without reading or seeing 50 Shades you should now understand, that love and law are the same and demand accountability--stand up and be counted.

Who hardened whose heart? And how do we soften our own?

Rabbi Philip Weintraub
Congregation Agudas Israel

1/17/2015

Exodus Chapter 7 (NJPS via jtsa.edu)

1 The Lord replied to Moses, "See, I place you in the role of God to Pharaoh, with your brother Aaron as your prophet. 2 You shall repeat all that I command you, and your brother Aaron shall speak to Pharaoh to let the Israelites depart from his land. 3 But I will harden Pharaoh's heart, that I may multiply My signs and marvels in the land of Egypt. 4 When Pharaoh does not heed you, I will lay My hand upon Egypt and deliver My ranks, My people the Israelites, from the land of Egypt with extraordinary chastisements. 5 And the Egyptians shall know that I am the Lord, when I stretch out My hand over Egypt and bring out the Israelites from their midst." 6 This Moses and Aaron did; as the Lord commanded them, so they did. 7 Moses was eighty years old and Aaron eighty-three, when they made their demand on Pharaoh.

This week we read of blood, of frogs, of insects, but to me the most fascinating part of the parsha is not the miracles, but the inner struggle.

וַאֲנִי אַקְשֶׁה, אֶת-לֵב פַּרְעֹה And I will harden Pharaoh's heart      ,

What is the psychological challenge of Pharaoh?  Did Gd harden Pharaoh’s heart or did Gd reinforce the decision that Pharaoh had already made?  Several times in the book of Exodus, it says that Moses or Gd hardened Pharaoh’s heart, yet in the book of Samuel, we read:

וְלָמָּה תְכַבְּדוּ אֶת-לְבַבְכֶם, כַּאֲשֶׁר כִּבְּדוּ מִצְרַיִם וּפַרְעֹה אֶת-לִבָּם:  הֲלוֹא כַּאֲשֶׁר הִתְעַלֵּל בָּהֶם, וַיְשַׁלְּחוּם וַיֵּלֵכוּ.

6 Wherefore then do ye harden your hearts, as the Egyptians and Pharaoh hardened their hearts? when He had wrought among them, did they not let the people go, and they departed?

Which is it?  Can it be both?  Can Gd have simply reinforced the decision of Pharaoh?  On a light-hearted note, I think of the kid’s song, “Little bunny foo foo”, who the fairy gave three chances to improve himself, yet he continued to make the same poor decisions!  Perhaps Gd worked in the same way, giving Pharaoh TEN opportunities to change his ways, yet each time, he did let our people go!

Pharaoh’s sin was not simply refusing GD or Moses.  His sin was in thinking that his hold on power was permanent.  His sin was in imaginging that there was no other way but the choices he had already made.  He could not imagine changing his mind.  The end of the Purim story has always surprised me.  The King does not rescind his order to kill the Jews.  Instead he orders the Jews be armed, that they may protect themselves from the evil onslaught.  His failure to rescind his order causes the needless suffering of many of his people.  And this sin remains today.

Many of us are unwilling to admit we are wrong.  We are unwilling to accept that we can change.  We have hardened our hearts with the wrong idea that the way it is today is the way it will be tomorrow.

As this week celebrates the achievements of Martin Luther King, Jr, I think about the ways that people in this country had hardened hearts.  For those of us who grew up in the South, we were sometimes taught that the Civil War was the end of racism, yet it does not take much to show that it did not end there. Nor did it end with MLK and the passage of the Civil Rights Act or Voting Rights Act.  Rather racism changed form and went underground.  While it is not socially acceptable to openly speak racist thoughts, Avenue Q taught us that “we’re all a little bit racist”, that many people harbor prejudice.  Recently books have come out talking about the “new Jim Crow”, how our justice and prison systems unfairly target those of color.  The “drug war” criminalizes “black” and “white” drugs in different ways, so that if I were to smoke something I shouldn’t (which I wouldn’t since I’m allergic to everything!), I would likely not be arrested or my charges would be dropped, yet if someone of color made the same choice, he or she might find him/herself locked in the prison system.  

Our country has hardened its heart against those that look different.  Yet the demographics of our country are changing.  It is less white than it has ever been.  And somewhere along the way, we Jews became white!  On a side note, as our brothers and sisters in France have discovered, that is not a universal statement!  There is closeted (and not so closeted) anti-semitism even here!  

One lesson of the plagues is that if we get uncomfortable enough, even the most hardened hearts can change.  Even Pharaoh, when the stakes were high enough let our people go.  What does it take for change in this country?  What would it look like to have a just society?

We do not understand the dangers that police navigate every single day.  Every day is another opportunity to protect and serve, but is another opportunity to be placed in a dangerous situation that is not always survivable.  When I can walk to and from synagogue to my home, I am appreciative of those who protect this community and make that walk safe.  Unfortunately, the laws that are enforced are not always just.  We must continue to work with our legislators, with our Congress, to ensure that ALL have opportunity in this country, that laws that unfairly target some are written out of the law books.  That is one way we soften our hearts.

We soften our hearts through suffering, through empathy, through seeing the challenges in our lives and those in our neighbors.  We soften our hearts through respect of those who protect us.  We soften our hearts through demanding equal rights for all.  Did you know that the Equal Rights Amendment has been brought to every  single Congress since 1982 and yet still has not become a constitutional amendment?!

Many times I have heard that if we could all unload our burdens, our challenges and place them on this bimah, given the opportunity to trade them, we would all take back our own challenges.  Our challenges are familiar, yet hopefully we use them to soften our hearts and not harden them.  I pray that we use our challenges to look around the room, to look around the world and find it in our hearts to simply be kind.  I pray that we find it in our hearts to be kind AND to do something.  Let us continue to work for a just world.  It does not happen overnight, but if we imagine the world as immutable, we make the same mistake that Pharaoh did.  We all have the capability to improve this world.  What are we doing?  Shabbat Shalom.