Mother's Day Parshat Emor

Rabbi Philip Weintraub

Congregation Agudas Israel

Parshat Emor May 9, 2015

Our Torah reading this morning opens chapter 21 of the book of Leviticus, Vayikra, and is right in the middle of the Holiness Code.  While much of the parsha deals with the festive calendar or sacrifices, the opening deals with priests and death.  From some of your previous clergy, you might remember that some kohanim do not enter cemeteries except in very specific circumstances.  Parshat Emor opens with those circumstances.

The parsha opens:

וַיֹּאמֶר ה’’ אֶל-מֹשֶׁה, אֱמֹר אֶל-הַכֹּהֲנִים בְּנֵי אַהֲרֹן; וְאָמַרְתָּ אֲלֵהֶם, לְנֶפֶשׁ לֹא-יִטַּמָּא בְּעַמָּיו.	1 The Lord said to Moses: Speak to the priests, the sons of Aaron, and say to them: None shall defile himself for any [dead] person among his kin,
ב  כִּי, אִם-לִשְׁאֵרוֹ, הַקָּרֹב, אֵלָיו:  לְאִמּוֹ וּלְאָבִיו, וְלִבְנוֹ וּלְבִתּוֹ וּלְאָחִיו.	2 except for the relatives that are closest to him: his mother, his father, his son, his daughter, and his brother
ג  וְלַאֲחֹתוֹ הַבְּתוּלָה הַקְּרוֹבָה אֵלָיו, אֲשֶׁר לֹא-הָיְתָה לְאִישׁ--לָהּ, יִטַּמָּא.	also for an unmarried sister, close to him because she has not married, for her he may defile himself

Looking at most biblical texts, women are not the first mentioned.  In the Aseret Ha-dibrot, the Ten Commandments, the order is reversed:

יא  כַּבֵּד אֶת-אָבִיךָ, וְאֶת-אִמֶּךָ --לְמַעַן, יַאֲרִכוּן יָמֶיךָ, עַל הָאֲדָמָה, אֲשֶׁר-ה’’ אֱלהֶיךָ נתֵן לָךְ.

11 Honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. {S}

So why is a priest’s mother mentioned first? Looking at various commentaries, I did not find many comments on the order. In The Torah: A Women’s Commentary, they saw it as a literary device, noting that in verse eleven, the order is reversed to have the father first.  Elsewhere in The JPS Torah Commentary (Leviticus), they noted it as an exception to the rule saying “that in familial contexts, deference is shown to the mother.” (Levine, p. 125)  Levine continues that in comparison to the Ten Commandments when the father comes first “amount to an equitable estimation of both parents” (Ibid).  Personally, I think this is a reference to the primary importance of mothers.  Without a mother, there is no child!  In our tradition the respect and honor of our parents is not just appropriate, but a commandment!

Looking in the Talmud, Kiddushin 31b has several conversations about respecting parents.  We are commanded to respect our parents, to provided them with food and drink, clothe them, house them and transport them.  We are not to embarrass our parents--neither in public nor in private.  Even if our parents insult us, we are not to respond inappropriately.

In this country, Anna Jarvis, fought for the creation of Mother’s Day, and then fought against its commercialization.  She tried to start a boycott of florists for their price gouging and railed against the card manufacturers.  For her, the holiday was not about gifts or tokens of appreciation, but about actual recognition of those who created and sustained life.  Hearing that the average Mother’s Day gift is $170, I wondered what would really show appreciation. http://time.com/money/3838824/mothers-day-gift/ It seems that the challenge with Mother’s Day is that it is a single day.  To really show our appreciation, we must show this honor and respect throughout the year.  If we limit it to a single day, we are taking honor away from our mothers instead of adding to it!

Thinking about tomorrow, a day that celebrates mothers, I am grateful for all the mothers in my life.  I think of my wife, who spends virtually every waking hour with our daughter.  I think of my mother-in-law who blessed me with the gift of my wife.  I think of my own mom, who supported me in more ways than I can begin to imagine.  I think of her mom, whose ninetieth birthday I will celebrate tomorrow.  Then I think of the mothers no longer with us, my Dad’s mom, great-grandmothers who I just barely remember.  I look around the room and celebrate with all of you, yet mourn those no longer with us.  As we celebrate those mothers that are with us, we are called to remember those who are not here today.  

Mothers are important.  They care, nurture, provide for.  They love, protect, defend.  They come in all shapes and sizes, varieties.  Whether biological, adopted, foster, honorary, mothers are the source of their children’s lives.  Yes, fathers play important roles, but we’ll talk about them another day.  Come back in June, Dads!

I do not want to belabor my point, which is thanks and respect.  Children are grateful in moments.  They do not show respect all the time.  They do not say thanks often enough.  So to all the mothers out there, I offer my gratitude.  You helped shape your children into the people they are.  You had and have an influence.  You are appreciated, even if not frequently enough acknowledged.  Hopefully this year we will all learn the real lesson of Mother’s Day--that it is not just one day, but every day!  Shabbat Shalom.