Showing posts with label GD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label GD. Show all posts

Friday, August 15, 2014

Eat, be satisfied, and thank Gd, Eikev 2014

Rabbi Philip Weintraub
Congregation Agudas Israel
8/16/2014

Technology is a funny thing.  It helps us in so many ways, yet slows us down in others.  Looking at this week’s parsha, I realized there were topics I did not want to discuss, and topics I did, most specifically Chapter 8, vs 10  10 “When you have eaten your fill, give thanks to the Lord your God for the good land which He has given you.” (NJPS translation from http://learn.jtsa.edu/content/translations/eikev/torah-portion/eikev )
  וְאָכַלְתָּ, וְשָׂבָעְתָּ--וּבֵרַכְתָּ אֶת-י--ה-ו--ה אֱ--לֹהֶיךָ, עַל-הָאָרֶץ הַטֹּבָה אֲשֶׁר נָתַן-לָךְ.
I knew that I had written about that verse, about the Talmud’s extensive discussion, but did not know when/where.  I scrolled down through pages and pages of tweets on twitter, eventually reminding myself that the Talmudic source for Grace after Meals is in Talmud Brachot 47 and following.  I searched my google drive--my old sermons in the cloud--and found from Rosh Hashanah 2012 the following:
Today’s study, p. 47, is in the seventh chapter, which mainly discusses Grace After Meals.  Just as the Gemara connects one story to another, this section reminds me of a story in my own life.  I was once finishing a lunch in the food court of a mall in Jerusalem.  Sitting with me was an Orthodox rabbi I had known in college.  As we prepared to say the Grace After Meals, he wondered aloud about people’s quest for spirituality.  He said he could not understand how some Jews described themselves as “spiritual but not religious” but that many of those very people did not say Thanks to Gd after they ate.  He said “How can you take the great blessing, that is eating, being blessed to have enough to eat in such an insecure world and NOT thank Gd for such good fortune!”  I was glad he spoke rhetorically, since I had no good answer to his challenge!  It made me think about my own difficulty in saying Birkat Hamazon, Grace after Meals, regularly, and he thus encouraged me to say it more often.
For us today, this is a great lesson.  Elsewhere in Brachot, it says that one of the reasons the Jews merited the land was that they blessed Gd even when they were NOT satisfied with their food, with their portion.  It is hard enough to offer thanks when we are satisfied, but to find it in our hearts to appreciate Gd when we do NOT have enough is even more challenging.  Returning to Rosh Hashanah two years ago, I wrote about the
the 47th daf/page of Brachot.  On that page I will see conversations about waiting for others to be served and bless their food before eating; when to say “Amen” to the blessings of others; how much food a waiter needs to eat to join a group who would like to say Grace after meals; the fact that a convert is not Jewish until he/she has gone to the mikvah (ritual bath); and can you have a minyan of 9 plus a Torah?  As you can see, some of those subjects are clearly related to Grace after Meals and others seem like tangents, but very interesting ones.  For more details, you’ll have to look at it yourself.  
The Talmud regularly demonstrates associative thinking.  Like many of us, it starts discussing a topic, then gets sidetracked.  For some modern thinkers, this is incredibly annoying--why can’t they just stick to a topic, but for others, the side notes are what they are coming for, those little pictures of Talmudic life, of Judaism in another era.  Yet, how many of us do exactly the same thing.  We are telling a story about our hilarious uncle, and then rather than finishing the story, we tell three others before getting back to the point.  On a side note, the books of Midrashim, Genesis Rabba, Sifra, Sifrei, include many early rabbinic sermons.  They start and end with a verse and tell many other stories in between--with the goal being to create a web of connections bringing you from the beginning to the end.  When Chasiddic rebbes would teach on Shabbat, this style was also very common, starting with a verse from the parsha, touching here and there and everywhere in rabbinic literature before coming back to the original to teach a lesson or a principle.   In some ways we have changed, in others we have stayed the same.
The real reason I shared this verse
וְאָכַלְתָּ, וְשָׂבָעְתָּ--וּבֵרַכְתָּ אֶת-י--ה-ו--ה אֱ--לֹהֶיךָ, עַל-הָאָרֶץ הַטֹּבָה אֲשֶׁר נָתַן-לָךְ.
was because of Robin Williams.  In the last couple days we have heard the story and the challenges of a man who struggled with addiction, with depression, with his own inner demons, yet managed to fight through all of that to teach poignant lessons to us all, to bring a light, a laughter, a humor to so many people.   He once joked “I went to rehab in wine country, just to keep my options open.”  His humor was incredible.  His openness to his struggles brought help to many.  I heard on the radio of his own openness to discuss therapy and the years that it brought him, the way it changed his life for the better.  As such, he was an inspiration for so many.  I pray that his death will encourage people to get the help they need.  All of us need the support of each other--one of the things I mentioned on Tisha B’Av.  Yet sometimes, we need more help.  With Judaism’s focus on Pikuach Nefesh, the saving of a life, we know that it is important to ask for help, but sometimes it is not easy.  
The challenge of depression is its power, its overwhelming nature.  In the midst, it seems there is no getting out.  The verse I mentioned is that we eat, we are satisfied and we bless/offer thanks.  When one is depressed there is no such thing as satisfaction.  Someone who is depressed cannot reach the level of thanks because they cannot recognize their own satisfaction.  Robin Williams could not be satisfied with the success, with the love, with anything, because he had a deadly disease--depression.  Until our society recognizes depression as a disease and not a character flaw, we are making this world more difficult for so many people.  I shared this week a blog from the wife of a rabbi I know.  She shared that when she was younger she went through a bout of depression.  At the time, she could see no way out.  Eventually she found support, therapy, etc., etc. and managed to be happy again.  Now she has been fighting cancer.  This time around, her community, her friends, her family, everyone rallied around her.  They helped take care of her son, helped around the house.  When people show the same level of support for those fighting depression as those fighting cancer, the world will be a better place. (See blog here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kenterskicklymphoma/journal/view/id/53ea7686a689b4bd04a369e2 )

From our holy Torah we learn that if we can eat and be satisfied, then we can find it in our hearts to be thankful to Gd for all of our gifts.  Many of us are good at the eating.  Some of us are pretty good at thanking Gd.  It is the being satisfied part that is challenging.  We may desire that which we do not have, that which our neighbors or friends or those on TV have.  If we live our lives in that space, we can find ourselves wanting, as in lacking and also wanting, as in wanting more.  As I mentioned earlier, we gain merit for offering thanks, especially when we are not completely satisfied.  The funny thing is that once we offer thanks, we find that we ARE satisfied.  Think about eating dinner.  How often do you go back for seconds?  What happens most of the time if you wait ten minutes--you realize you are full and don’t need those seconds!  If we took that time to thank Gd, we would realize we do not actually need anymore.  We have enough.  If we flip the order around, if we offer thanks second, we can find that missing satisfaction.

The simple lesson from this one verse is the secret to a good life.  Enjoy, be satisfied and offer thanks.  It can be lesson for how we treat one another--enjoy each others presence, recognize and appreciate it within yourself and then share that gratitude with the ones bringing you joy.  It can be a lesson for how we relate to Gd and the universe--for food, for comfort, for the very gift of life.  As we start looking ahead towards the holidays to come, let us recognize all the good and Gd in our lives and offer thanks.  Shabbat Shalom.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Behalotecha 2014

Rabbi Philip Weintraub
Congregation Agudas Israel
June 7, 2014
Ploni’s Bar Mitzvah/Parshat Behalotecha

Today is a beautiful day.  Thankfully the weather seems to agree, but today is not beautiful because of the sunshine.  Today is beautiful because of the people in this room, because of the words that have been said, the words that will be said and the Torah that we read.

Whether you were in this room or any synagogue anywhere in the world, someone would be reading from the Torah.  They would not be reading from any random spot, but rather starding their reading from chapter 8 of the book of Bamidbar, the book of Numbers.  Can you imagine, that at the same time as Ploni was reading from this Torah, Jewish men and women, girls and boys were taking a yad, a pointer, and reading the same words, with the same melodies all around the world.  When Ploni picked up that pointer today, he took hold of his and our Jewish tradition.  He bound himself to a chain stretching back to Moses, stretching back to Abraham, stretching back to Adam and Havvah, to Adam and Eve.

In our reading this morning, I started with one the classic lines of the Torah.  Gd spoke to Moses saying.  It continues with the description of the Menorah in the Temple.
א  וַיְדַבֵּר יְ-ה-וָ-ה, אֶל-מֹשֶׁה לֵּאמֹר.
1 And the LORD spoke unto Moses, saying:
ב  דַּבֵּר, אֶל-אַהֲרֹן, וְאָמַרְתָּ, אֵלָיו:  בְּהַעֲלֹתְךָ, אֶת-הַנֵּרֹת, אֶל-מוּל פְּנֵי הַמְּנוֹרָה, יָאִירוּ שִׁבְעַת הַנֵּרוֹת.
2 'Speak unto Aaron, and say unto him: When thou lightest the lamps, the seven lamps shall give light in front of the candlestick.'
ג  וַיַּעַשׂ כֵּן, אַהֲרֹן--אֶל-מוּל פְּנֵי הַמְּנוֹרָה, הֶעֱלָה נֵרֹתֶיהָ:  כַּאֲשֶׁר צִוָּה יְ-ה-וָ-ה, אֶת-מֹשֶׁה.
3 And Aaron did so: he lighted the lamps thereof so as to give light in front of the candlestick, as the LORD commanded Moses.
ד  וְזֶה מַעֲשֵׂה הַמְּנֹרָה מִקְשָׁה זָהָב, עַד-יְרֵכָהּ עַד-פִּרְחָהּ מִקְשָׁה הִוא:  כַּמַּרְאֶה, אֲשֶׁר הֶרְאָה יְ-ה-וָ-ה אֶת-מֹשֶׁה--כֵּן עָשָׂה, אֶת-הַמְּנֹרָה.  {פ}
4 And this was the work of the candlestick, beaten work of gold; unto the base thereof, and unto the flowers thereof, it was beaten work; according unto the pattern which the LORD had shown Moses, so he made the candlestick. {P}
Now, if I were you, I might here Menorah and think Chanukkah, but in fact, the Menorah originally was simply a light in the Temple.  It was the eternal flame--like the light hanging above me.  Continually re-filled, it shared the light of the Holy One, of Gd, with every person who walked through the doors of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem.  Having not been able to worship in the Temple for almost 2000 years, every synagogue has an eternal light, a lamp constantly lit to remind us of that holy place and of our mission as Jews.

Mentioned in the book of Isaiah, Jews are commanded to be ,לְאוֹר גּוֹיִם, a light unto the nations.  It is not an easy task, so we have many commandments and traditions to help us follow in Gd’s metaphorical footsteps.  Whether in how we eat, or how we talk to others, how we are to treat all with respect, how we are to be honest in our business dealings, we have commandments for everything.  Now if only all Jews would follow them!

Elsewhere in our Torah, in Exodus 25:11, we have a description of the Ark that was in the Temple.  Just like the Menorah it was pure gold, inside and out.
יא  וְצִפִּיתָ אֹתוֹ זָהָב טָהוֹר, מִבַּיִת וּמִחוּץ תְּצַפֶּנּוּ; וְעָשִׂיתָ עָלָיו זֵר זָהָב, סָבִיב.
11 And thou shalt overlay it with pure gold, within and without shalt thou overlay it, and shalt make upon it a crown of gold round about.
In the Talmud, a collections of Jewish wisdom and law, Rava says: Any Torah scholar whose inside is not like his outside (who is not as righteous as he or she appears to be) is not a true Torah scholar.  

What does this mean?  It tells us that to truly be an ideal person, we have to work to make sure that our insides match our outsides and vice versa.  To me, adolescence is beginning this project of making our outsides and insides match.  Going through middle school, high school and even college, we may try on different personalities, cliques, clubs.  Hopefully by the time we are adults, we know who we are and where we are going.  In this way, the Torah can be light for us.  Knowing what our values are, knowing where we stand, can smooth the challenges of adolescence, the challenges of life.  If we know that we are living a life of honor, of character, of a commanded life, we gain the confidence and the wisdom of thousands of years of learning and tradition.

Ploni, stand up.  Today we celebrate your Bar Mitzvah, but what we are really celebrating is that you ARE a Bar Mitzvah, a son of the commandments.  We celebrate you taking hold of your traditions, making them your own.  In your haftorah this morning, you read:

ו  וַיַּעַן וַיֹּאמֶר אֵלַי, לֵאמֹר, זֶה דְּבַר-יְ-ה-וָ-ה, אֶל-זְרֻבָּבֶל לֵאמֹר:  לֹא בְחַיִל, וְלֹא בְכֹחַ--כִּי אִם-בְּרוּחִי, אָמַר יְ-ה-וָ-ה צְבָאוֹת.
6 Then he answered and spoke unto me, saying: 'This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying: Not by might, nor by power, but by My spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.
For the last few months you have worked very hard.  We have studied together on good days and more challenging ones.  I have seen you grow right before my eyes.  In our time together I have seen you triumph in the Science Fair and moments of struggle.  Yet through it all, we kept working.  We kept going and going and going until today, when every word was correct, when every syllable and note was just right. I said to your mom yesterday, that there is a miracle that happens at (almost) every Bar Mitzvah, somehow, it all comes together--not by might, not by power, but with the help of Gd (and Jewish mothers everywhere).

You spoke of your work at the Soup Kitchen and your holy work of Bikkur Holim, of visiting those who are not at the peak of health.  In both those cases, and many others, you demonstrate the good heart that you have.  You show that you are living your Jewish values, looking out for those that need a little more help.

As we look to the future, I know those values will remain with you.  I hope that we will continue to find time to study together, to look at Jewish texts together and to help you live a Jewish life.  In Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of our Ancestors, in the fifth chapter, is one of my favorite lines of our tradition--partly because the guy has one of the best names in our tradition!
כב בֶּן בַּג בַּג אוֹמֵר, הֲפָךְ בָּהּ וַהֲפָךְ בָּהּ, דְּכֹלָּא בָהּ. ובָהּ תֶּחֱזֵי, וְסִיב וּבְלֵה בַהּ, וּמִנַּהּ לָא תְזוּעַ, שֶׁאֵין לְךָ מִדָּה טוֹבָה הֵימֶנָּה:
The son of Bag Bag (ben Bag Bag said); Delve and delve into it, for all is in it; see with it; grow old and worn in it; do not budge from it, for there is nothing better.

That text is immediately followed by:

כג בֶּן הֵא הֵא אוֹמֵר, לְפוּם צַעֲרָא אַגְרָא:

Ben Hei Hei said, “The reward is commensurate with the effort.”

You have put in a lot of work.  The lunch your mom arranged seems like a pretty great reward--but in truth, the reward is that you will continue to live a Jewish life.  Today is not the end of your Jewish education or life, it is the beginning.  You have the tools, the direction, the opportunities.  Now the choices are yours.  To help you on the right path, you are all invited back for Shabbat Hanukkah.  On December 20, Ploni will be standing with me again, as he chants the Haftorah he so beautifully read this morning!  I am so proud of you today, Ploni, and I am sure that every person in this room is, too!  Mazal tov!






Friday, December 27, 2013

Are you a listener or a solver? Are they mutually exclusive?

Rabbi Philip Weintraub
Congregation Agudas Israel
Parshat Vaera
12/28/2013

What does it mean to be listener or a leader?  When do they overlap and when are they different categories? In our parsha, Va’era, we hear about the dynamics of Gd, Moses, Aaron and later on, Pharaoh.  

In this parsha (and others), we find Moshe as a reluctant leader.  He feels that he does not have the necessary skills.  He is not a comfortable speaker.  He fears people will not listen to him or will not respect him.  He goes to his mentor, GD, with these concerns and GD does not seem to respond.

י  וַיְדַבֵּר ה", אֶל-מֹשֶׁה לֵּאמֹר.
10 And the LORD spoke unto Moses, saying:
יא  בֹּא דַבֵּר, אֶל-פַּרְעֹה מֶלֶךְ מִצְרָיִם; וִישַׁלַּח אֶת-בְּנֵי-יִשְׂרָאֵל, מֵאַרְצוֹ.
11 'Go in, speak unto Pharaoh king of Egypt, that he let the children of Israel go out of his land.'
יב  וַיְדַבֵּר מֹשֶׁה, לִפְנֵי ה" לֵאמֹר:  הֵן בְּנֵי-יִשְׂרָאֵל, לֹא-שָׁמְעוּ אֵלַי, וְאֵיךְ יִשְׁמָעֵנִי פַרְעֹה, וַאֲנִי עֲרַל שְׂפָתָיִם.  {פ}
12 And Moses spoke before the LORD, saying: 'Behold, the children of Israel have not hearkened unto me; how then shall Pharaoh hear me, who am of uncircumcised lips?' {P}
יג  וַיְדַבֵּר ה", אֶל-מֹשֶׁה וְאֶל-אַהֲרֹן, וַיְצַוֵּם אֶל-בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְאֶל-פַּרְעֹה מֶלֶךְ מִצְרָיִם--לְהוֹצִיא אֶת-בְּנֵי-יִשְׂרָאֵל, מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרָיִם.  {ס}
13 And the LORD spoke unto Moses and unto Aaron, and gave them a charge unto the children of Israel, and unto Pharaoh king of Egypt, to bring the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt. {S}
GD seems to ignore Moses’ concern.  Yet, he now begins to speak to Aaron, as well.  In effect, Gd appoints Aaron as Moses’ spokesperson, and then continues as if nothing happened!  The rest of the chapter details genealogies and it is not until chapter 7 that we hear more about this appointment.  There we hear:
א  וַיֹּאמֶר ה" אֶל-מֹשֶׁה, רְאֵה נְתַתִּיךָ אֱלֹהִים לְפַרְעֹה; וְאַהֲרֹן אָחִיךָ, יִהְיֶה נְבִיאֶךָ.
1 And the LORD said unto Moses: 'See, I have set thee in God's stead to Pharaoh; and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.
ב  אַתָּה תְדַבֵּר, אֵת כָּל-אֲשֶׁר אֲצַוֶּךָּ; וְאַהֲרֹן אָחִיךָ יְדַבֵּר אֶל-פַּרְעֹה, וְשִׁלַּח אֶת-בְּנֵי-יִשְׂרָאֵל מֵאַרְצוֹ.
2 Thou shalt speak all that I command thee; and Aaron thy brother shall speak unto Pharaoh, that he let the children of Israel go out of his land.
ג  וַאֲנִי אַקְשֶׁה, אֶת-לֵב פַּרְעֹה; וְהִרְבֵּיתִי אֶת-אֹתֹתַי וְאֶת-מוֹפְתַי, בְּאֶרֶץ מִצְרָיִם.
3 And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply My signs and My wonders in the land of Egypt.
So on the one hand, Gd was a clear leader.  Gd heard Moses’ concern and immediately addressed it.  Gd solved the problem, forcing Moses to confront his issues and move on.

I wonder how this method of mentoring would work in the modern day.  If I were to go to one of my rabbinic colleagues/mentors, I would hope they would address my concerns, rather than just fixing them.  Yet, Gd does exactly that.  

When we hear a problem are we supposed to fix it or listen and allow the person to make their own plan?

Regarding this issue we sometimes speak about gender dynamics.  Whether true or not, some say that “women listen” and “men fix.”  I am sure we could find dozens of examples where this is absolutely true or absolutely false, but I think that ideally, listening and fixing are two very important tools in our interpersonal toolbox.

As most of you know, one of the ways I continue my rabbinic education is through clinical-pastoral education, CPE.  CPE is a program that focuses on listening.  We are to be non-judgmental, calming presences.  The focus is on hearing people where they are.  It is not about doing nothing, but about helping the person feel their feelings, recognize their situation and decide what they need to do.  Rather than giving a person the “answer”, the focus is on helping them discover their choices for themselves.  Being present and allowing them to consider their own feelings or choices can be very powerful, especially when one is present with people who rarely get to consider their own actions or feelings.

On the other hand, there are many cases when giving a solution is quite helpful.  In the military, it is much better for soldiers to follow orders than to write their own.  In an operating room, the surgeon tells those around her what they need to do.  In one’s own home, sometimes it is better for a parent to say “this is what we are having for dinner.”

At the same time, Rashi, our friendly medieval rabbi and commentator, writes that the midrash emphasizes that Pharaoh must be spoken to with respect to his position.  Even as Gd commands them to tell Pharaoh “let my people go”, he reminds them that they must respect the dignity due to his office.  (This is a lesson many in politics should remember!)  Yet, it is not just for those in positions of power.  When we talk to others, whether we are listening or trying to solve their problems, we must show them the appropriate respect.  I think this says a lot about the Jewish tradition that even as Gd helped the Jewish people leave Egypt, with all of the signs and wonders, we were still concerned about Pharaoh’s feelings and public image!

I read an article recently about parenting.  It was about how a father interacted with his children.  As they were growing up, he would regularly advise them how to deal with different situations.  After awhile, he realized he was missing out.  He was not giving them the space to discover their own solutions.  One day he decided to try just listening.  He found out that his children had gained great problem-solving skills in spite of him.  When given the opportunity, they could find their own way to reason.  He also discovered that sometimes a problem did not need to be solved at all.  Sometimes his children just wanted him to empathize, to acknowledge that teenage life (like all life) isn’t always fair, that friends can be mean and frustrating.

In the Jewish tradition, shalom bayit, peace in the home is a very important value.  It is so important that Gd told a lie of omission to Abraham to preserve his peace with Sarah!  In the interests of shalom bayit, sometimes it can be helpful for partners to think about what kind of conversation they are having.  Do they want their spouse to ONLY listen and empathize OR do they want suggestions OR somewhere in between?  

Gd and Moses in THIS place in Torah offer us one model, but it is NOT the only one.


Questions to ponder:
Are there sources in the Torah that demonstrate empathetic listening?
How do we decide what model to use in any given situation.