Rabbi Philip Weintraub
Ask the clergy
The last few weeks in my congregation have been filled with the hospice care, deaths, funerals, and mourning care of beloved congregants. As such, this column is in a different format.
A Jewish funeral includes the recitation of many psalms. One that is frequently included is a selection from Psalm 34, from the New Jewish Publication Society translation, verses 13-15
“13Who is the man who is eager for life, who desires years of good fortune?
14 Guard your tongue from evil, your lips from deceitful speech.
15 Shun evil and do good, seek amity (peace/friendly relationships) and pursue it.”
As a member of the clergy, my work is spent helping people in liminal times, at those moments when we are neither here nor there, neither past nor future, but on the threshold. Births, adolescence, weddings, divorces, aging, funerals are all part of my daily life. Yet the business of a congregation also requires us to be in the present--which can create conflict over funding priorities, programs, maintenance, etc.
Amidst those very present conversations, I come back to this text again and again. What does it mean to be a good person? How can we improve our relations to others? It is really very simple--the golden rule, or according to Rabbi Hillel more than two thousand years ago “What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow: this is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.” One place to learn that rule is from Psalm 34--in the way we speak to one another.
Many books have been written about proper speech, about not only avoiding gossip and lies, but also thinking how we encourage lies and gossip. If I know that my best friend hates Trump or Clinton, sharing their accomplishments in front of them may open up a torrent of vile speech. I am goading them into poor behavior. That is not just unbecoming of them, it is also unbecoming of me. I am complicit in their evil speech.
Looking around this city and this country, this election has brought for much vitriol, much anger, much evil speech. Candidates have spoken blatant lies, hateful words and even encouraged violence against those who disagree with them. Supporters have beaten up those they disagree with.
What can we do to lower the temperature? We are and should be passionate about the details and policies and politics of our candidates. We all want a country where the American Dream is alive and well, where everyone has a shot at a better life. Most of us would like affordable access to medicine when we need it, shelter at night, enough food to eat, roads to drive on, safe bridges, education for our children and water free from lead or toxic chemicals. People have different ideas about how large or small government needs to be to provide essential services. That is amazing. We should not all agree on the methods, yet we should agree on respect.
Even if I disagree with everything that you say or believe in, I pray I can do it nicely. Rather than letting my blood boil when someone shares racist tripe, I try to remember that they, too, are created in the image of the Holy One and deserve my love and respect.
Returning to the Psalm, one way we can find civility again. One way we can seek peace and friendly relationships is simply to speak kindly to one another. This does not mean ignoring honesty. We must find a way to be truthful AND kind. We must find a way to bring love to our criticisms. Only then can we truly work together to accomplish our shared goals. Mourning the loss of my members, I am reminded of the importance of love for one another. We are all in this together--no matter our backgrounds, our faiths or lack there of, our origin stories, our personal histories, or our politics!
I wish you all a week of peace!
